porkskins:

porkskins:

Im here at walmart does anybody want anything

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i was thinking maybe something that i could buy with 10 dollars

In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

simoncowellvevo:

having so many good text post ideas but not enough followers to make it matter

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(Źródło: wifiey)

terezi-owns2:

THE LITTLE KID NEXT DOOR JSUT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND YELLED “WHAT IS 27 PLUS 4” AND I YELLED “IT’S 31” AND HE SAID “THANK YOU GOD LADY” IM LAUGIHNG

(Źródło: terezisprite2)

solidmercury:

bruisebanner:

princeofkokoros:

what if there was a really flamboyant assassin and after they killed someone they just snapped their fingers, turned away and said ‘you’ve just been SASSassinated’

 #clint barton

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nippletowns:

when u go out to eat with ur friends and have no money

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(Źródło: dveon)